I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
