Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
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riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
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I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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