The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
