You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
