I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Fuck appropriateness.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
