You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Randomize
