We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
