There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
