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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
