and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
