i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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