I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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