we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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