Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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