I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
