Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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