She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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