she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
