Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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