I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
