omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Damn victory sex feels great
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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