Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
