god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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