i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
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Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
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Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize