Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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