i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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