mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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