I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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