Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
