it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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