His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
