Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
