everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
