I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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