I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Found the puke drawer
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
