i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
