Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
