well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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