ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?