Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?