you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
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my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I believe in your delicious
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?