Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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