Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
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We talked him into tasing himself.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
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Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm really busy with my period
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