perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party