Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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