you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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