just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
