What a fucking waste of an outfit
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
