fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
