does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I stole a fireplace last night.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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