the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
