my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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