Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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