Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
