I swear she didn't look like that last week.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
