Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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