ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
