you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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