eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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