White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
