bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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