Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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