look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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