You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
