epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
