Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
