I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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